Elevator Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me."

The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.

Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
Kneel in more...

Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."

10 Things To Do In An Elevator To Have Fun
1. Blow out a huge depressed fart and blame it on the person next to you out loud.
2. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
3. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
4. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Show other passengers a rash on your genitals and ask if it looks infected.
7. Leave a box between the doors.
8. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask' is that your beeper?'
10. Say' I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.

An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman and says,"Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her floor and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts - and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

A man and a woman got in an elevator at the same time one day. The man asked the woman which floor she wanted.
"Second floor", she said, "They're paying 25 dollars a pint at the blood bank".
The man replied, "I'm going to the fourth. They pay 200 dollars an ounce at the sperm bank".
A week later the man and woman both got on the same elevator again. The man, recognizing the woman asked, "Second floor?".
With her mouth closed and her cheeks puffed out, she just shook her head and held up four fingers.