Emergency Jokes / Recent Jokes
At a place where I used to work, there is a huge sliding door
The sliding door is operated by two three-button-panels. One inside
the building and one outside.
One button has a left-arrow on it, the button in the center is a red
one with the word "STOP" on it, and then there's a button with a
right-arrow on it.
1. When your are operating the door from inside the building (The
panel is to the right of the door):
1. If the door is open and you want to close it, then the right button is
the right button, the button in the center is an emergency-stop-button
and the button that is left is the left button.
If, on the other hand, the door is closed and you want to open it,
then things get a little trickier. Because now the left button is the
right button, the button in the center is an emergency stop-button and
the button that is left is... the right button.
2. When your are operating the door from outside the building more...
A blonde was sitting down for her usual cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio... "There will be 3 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the street."
So, she got up from her coffee and went to move her car.
Two days later, again sitting down with her cup of morning coffee, when the weather forecaster announced,"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the street."
So, she got up from her coffee and again moved her car.
Four days later, again sitting down with her cup of coffee, the weather forecaster announced,"There will be 5 to 7 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the... " and then the power went out and she didn't get the rest of the instructions.
She said,"What am I going to more...
Did you hear about the pollack in the emergency room with third degree burns to his face?
He was bobbing for french fries.
A troop of Boy Scouts were being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.
One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.
When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone home..."
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought,' I just paid $6, 000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought,' I just paid $3, 000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought' This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I more...
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the more...
Banta and his friend are out in the country shooting rabbits. Suddenly, Banta's friend falls right in front of him, throws a quick spasm, then lies perfectly still. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. In fact, he looks pretty well dead!
Quick, as a flash, horrified Banta whips out his mobile and calls for emergency. He gasps breathlessly to the operator... My friend just fell to the ground right here in front of me! He's not breathing. He has no heartbeat! I think he is dead! What can I do?"
Well accustomed to this sort of situation, the emergency operator responds with her most soothing tone... "Okay Sir, you must try to stay calm. If there's anything that can be done, we'll do it. But you will have to keep your cool, then we can take it one step at a time! Okay now?
"Sure! Sure! Of course, you're right. I'm fine. Just tell me what must I do?"
"Great! Now first of all, let's make sure he's dead."....The more...