Emergency Jokes / Recent Jokes
Lazzy Airlines
-Passengers on a Lazzy flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lazzy Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and more...
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.
The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"
The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."
A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment.
“What happened” asked the doctor.
“Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV, ” began the man.
“She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron. ”
The doctor nodded, “But what happened to the other ear? ”
“Well, no sooner had I hung up, ” said the man, “when the same guy called
HOW TO TELL IF YOU WORK IN AN EMERGENCY ROOM
1. You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
2. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
3. You believe that a good tape job will fix anything.
4. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
5. You can identify the "positive teeth to tattoo" ratio.
6. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
8. You believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.
9. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
10. You have your weekends off planned for a year.
11. When a pt. presents with a list of 30 allergies to meds you automatically think they are a drug seeker or a pt. of Dr. Solotkin.
12. Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint.
13. You more...
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?A1: They can't remember the number.
Noticing they were having engine trouble, the pilot instructed the crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing. A few moments later, the pilot asked the attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"We're all set back here, Captain," an attendant replied. "Except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out his business cards."
There's these two guys out hunting in the woods and all of a sudden one of them just keels over and is lying motionless on the ground. So the other guy grabs his cell phone and dials 911. The emergency operator picks up and says, "911 emergency, please state your emergency," and the guy says, "Hey, I'm out here hunting with my buddie and he just keeled over, I think he's dead!" Then the emergency operator says, "Okay, jsut calm down. Now the first thing we need to know is if he's really dead." the guys says, "Okay, hold on." the operater hears silence on the phone for a second and then she hears a loud 'BANG!'
Then guy comes back and he says, "Now what?"