Enemy Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Army base staff that was planning war games did not want to use live ammunition. Instead they informed the men: "In place of a rifle, you go' Bang, bang'. In place of a knife you go,' Stab, stab'.
In place of a hand grenade you go,' Lob, lob.'"
The game was in progress when one of the soldiers saw one of the enemy. He went, "Bang, bang," but nothing happened. He ran forward and went "Stab, stab" but nothing happened. He ran back and went "Lob, lob,"but nothing happened. Finally he walked up to the enemy and said, "You are not playing fair. I went,' Bang, bang,' and' Stab, stab,' and' Lob, lob,' and you haven't fallen dead yet!"
The enemy responded, "Rumble, rumble. I'm a tank."
An elderly man went to church and asked the priest if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, so the two entered their respective sides of the confessional.
"Father," the old man began, "at the beginning of World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked if I would hide her from the enemy. I hid her in my attic and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing," the priest interjected, "but it certainly isn't something you need to confess!"
"Oh, it gets worse, Father," the old man continued. "I was very weak and told her that she must repay me for hiding her by providing me with sexual favors."
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a few moments and then responded, "It was a very difficult time and you took a very big risk. You would have suffered terribly at the hands of the enemy had they found out you were hiding her. I am certain that God, in his more...
One American soldier in Macedonia to another, "I dread the day they tell us to march on the enemy with bayonets fixed."
"Afraid of the enemy?" asked his buddy.
"No, of the guy marching behind me. He always takes an extra step when the sergeant tells us to halt."
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate."You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don’t look conspicuous: it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
6. Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous.
7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you’re ready for them. When you’re not ready for them.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
9. If you can’t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
11. Don’t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
14. If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid.
15. When in doubt empty the magazine.
16. Never share a fox hole more...
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?" Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?" A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate." You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously." Well...", said the pirate, ".. it was also my first day with the hook."