Enjoy Jokes / Recent Jokes
The change maker
Freda was looking very sad whilst talking to her best friend Kitty. "Ever since we got married, Robert has been trying to change me. That’s all he seems to do. He got me to stop drinking, cut down significantly on my smoking, and he stopped me going shopping at Brent Cross at all hours of the day. He taught me how to dress well, how to enjoy the fine arts, he got me to enjoy gourmet cooking, classical music and recently how to invest in the stock market. He even sent me to Hebrew Classes."
On hearing this, Kitty said, "Sounds like are just a little bitter because Robert spends so much time trying to change you."
"I`m not bitter, " said Freda. "Now that I`m so improved, I find he just isn`t good enough for me any more."
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.
The only reason you're still awake at 2 a. m. is indigestion.
People ask you what color your hair used to be.
You enjoy watching the news.
Your car must have four doors.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You have a dream about prunes.
You browse the bran cereal section in the grocery store.
You think a C. D. is a certificate of deposit.
You have more than 2 pair of glasses.
You read the obituaries daily.
Your biggest concern when dancing is falling.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
If your favorite color is: RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two Reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterley blush. Lovers of Red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware! YELLOW If you tend to favor Yellow your sexual drivers are complex and lean toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is Yellow! No don't panic, not everyone who wears Yellow is gay. In most cases the person will acquiesce to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire. PURPLE Lovers of the color Purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes, Purple more...
1. BadAir: When you just can`t wait for the world to come to you.
2. BadAir: We`re Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don`t worry. We`ll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
11. If you think it`s so easy, get your own plane!
12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
16. Bring a bathing suit.
17. Some more...
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status. The following courses will be offered:
General Education
GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
GE104: How to Parallel Park
GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
Home Economics
HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in more...
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? 9. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, more...