Envelope Jokes / Recent Jokes

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30, 000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."
All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside.
While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10, 000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20, 000 in the coffin."
The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in more...

Fill a large brown envelope about 70% with shaving foam.

Close over the flap but don't close it.

Place it part way, flap first under a friends door and call them to acquire it.

When you hear them walking towards it, jump on the back end of the envelope and shaving foam will spray everywhere.

A large firm had just hired Clarence as their new CEO. The previous CEO met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes: #1, #2, and #3. "Should you encounter a problem you feel you're not capable of solving, open these," instructed the departing CEO.
Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn, and Clarence was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
Clarence called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press - and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
Approximately one year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, more...

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.""And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope,' Now you have everything.'"

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well more...

Here's one people can tell to their grandmothers:
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very
successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the
world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was
admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning
he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's
quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece
of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it
back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a
treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated
about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest,
the first mate led the entire crew more...

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "1 have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can''t solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".