Equations Jokes

Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.
Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except more...

Schemmer’s Law (Organization & Programs): When an organization faces a 20 year threat, it responds with 15-year programs, organized with 5-year plans, managed by 3-year directors, and funded by 1-year appropriations. Simmons’s Law: The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the distance from the actual event. SNAFU Equations: 1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns. 2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available. 3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible. 4) Interchangeable devices won’t. 5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. 6) Badness comes in waves. Thoreau’s Theories Of Adaptation: 1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program’s commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. 2) After more...

1) pretendyoudontknowwhatthespacebaris
2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people
3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel
4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS
5) 1337
5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis
6) Waste peoples' time.
7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of typos)
8) TYPE IN ALL CAPS IT ANNOYS PEOPLE
9) N vwls. (No vowls.)
10) Capitalize Every Word Lots Of People Do It And It Really Works
11) 1337. s3R10u5|Y. D0 u N0 |-|0// mUc|-| 17 4N0y5 pp| 1F u U53 17 1n c0njUnC710N /// c|-|475p33K? (Leet. Seriously. Do you know how much it annoys people if you use it in conjunction with chatspeak?)
12) Act like a 3 year old.
13) Call everyone "Honey" or "Dear" as in, "Sorry, dear, but we can't do anything about it." or "Don't worry, Hun, it won't help to do that"
14) Ask a whole bunch of questions and don't answer any.
15) Subsitute a hole lot of stuff more...

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis.
Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)
Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will wupport your weight more...