Equipment Jokes / Recent Jokes

Beware the lightning that lurketh in the undischarged capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most un technicianlike manner.
Cause thou the switch that supplieth large quantities of juice to be opened and thus tagged, that thy days in this Earthly vale of tears be long.
Prove to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou toil are grounded and thusly tagged lest they lift thee unto radio heaven
Tarry thou not amongst those fools that engageth in intentional shocks, for they are surely non believers and are not longeth for this world.
Take care that thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of a high voltage circuit, lest thou incinerate both thyself and thy meter.
Take care thou tampereth not with interlocks and safety devices, for this incurreth the wrath of thy supervisor and bringeth the fury of the safety inspector upon thy head and about thy shoulders.
Toil not thou on energized equipment, for if thou more...

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
* Forgetting strap $10
* Changing strings after every set $15
* Using electric tuner $15
* Setting up mic "just in case" $75
* Forgetting to turn amp on $40
* Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
* Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
* Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
* Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
* Skull decals on bass $150
* Bringing fretless bass $500

(as submitted to www.dilbert.com)
I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to pack, then take two 70-pound boxes along to the airport. I checked them in, then sat on the plane for an hour before takeoff. Just after we were in the air, I realized that I left my car in front of the airport doors (loading zone).
I work for a TV news network. A co-worker left keys in our van at the airport. The van and $200,000 worth of equipment mysteriously vanished.
Flew to Hartford, arrived midnight. Rental car not reserved. Took a cab to hotel, room not reserved. Went to client next day. They were expecting someone else. My Pointy-Haired Boss had sent me by mistake. Flew home.
Trip to Microsoft labs in Redmond WA. Travel booked to Redmond Oregon, middle of nowhere. No car, no hotel, no MS lab!
When arriving at our hotel in Miami, PHB informs me that he has booked only one room for both of us. He says it's more cost effective that way.
The maid set off the fire sprinkler in my hotel more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: One of the passengers in a Soviet spacecraft is fooling around with the equipment, and his monkeyshines may end the flight prematurely. The passenger is in fact a monkey named Yarosha -- Russian slang for village troublemaker. Evidently bored on the fifth day of a scheduled 12-day flight, Yarosha slipped out of his harness and took a tour of the spacecraft. Tass, the Soviet news agency, reported that Yarosha was having a delightful time tampering with all of the equipment within reach. Watch out, Yarosha; if you break something, they'll probably dock your flight pay.

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
And finally,
the state of Maryland disappeared into a sink hole...

One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!"

Well, Bholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!"

Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word."

OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

"What equipment would that be, more...

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention more...