Equipment Jokes / Recent Jokes

>> Rules for Playing Bedroom Golf
>>
>> 1. The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one
>> club, and two balls.
>>
>> 2. Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
>>
>> 3. Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into
>> the hole, while keeping the balls out.
>>
>> 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. The
>> course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before allowing
play
>> to commence.
>>
>> 5. Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length, so
as
>> to avoid damage to the course.
>>
>> 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
>> until the course owner is satisfied.
>>
>> 7. Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the
>> course owner.
>>
>> 8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the more...

[This was posted on a bulletin board in a dorm at UNL. I don't know who
wrote it, sorry.]
The player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
Owner of the course must approve equipment before play may begin.
Unlike regular golf, the object of the game is to get the club
into the hole while keeping the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
The course owner may check the stiffness of the shaft before
allowing play to commence.
Course owner reserves the right to restrict the shaft length,
so as to avoid damage to the course.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as possible,
until the course owner is satisfied.
Players are cautioned to play the correct hole, as indicated by
the course owner.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will admire the
course, paying special more...

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? Ill be home in 1 hour to pick them up." A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked."Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.""No I didnt," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"

One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!" Well, Bholaji," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!" Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word." OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Bholaji?" Bill asks. Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a more...

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that more...

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play must be permitted by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well-formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the more...

1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. more...