Evening Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man who lived in a block of flats thought it was raining and put his hand out of the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a woman looking down, screaming.
'Is this yours?' he shouted up.
She said,' Yes, that's my eye! I'm so sorry! Could you please bring it up?' The man agreed and went up.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said,' I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?'
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the girl said,' I have had a marvelous evening, would you like to stay the night?'
The man hesitated then said,' Do you act like this with every man you meet?'
'No,' she replied,' Only those who catch my eye!'
Dan knew he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.
He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.
One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit
20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.
3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon more...
A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll". The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19. 95, Barbie dates BaddTeddy for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19. 95, Cyber Barbie for $19. 95 and Divorced Barbie more...
I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Dont you mean netsurfing? No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty, would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "only those who catch my eye."
On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening.
"Oh, it's not over yet." He said.
Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation and inside are two small tablets.
She asked, "But what are these two little pills?"
"Aspirin." The man replied.
"But, I don't have a headache." She said.
"There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!" he snidely said.