Evil Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." more...

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. — Blaise Pascal

#1
Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil).
2
#
Warner Comm. paid $28 million for the copyright to the song 'Happy Birthday.'
#3
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
#4
A comet's tail always points away from the sun.
#5
The "Swine flu" vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
#6
Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
#7
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
#8
If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
#9
When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is more...

The Stanford Law Review runs the following quote on their masthead:
"For every thousand people hacking at the leaves of evil there
is one chopping at the roots."
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following:
"For every person hacking at the leaves of evil there are a thousand
smoking the stuff."

Cash, check or charge? I asked after folding items the woman wished topurchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for atelevision set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so Ifigured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
"I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

BaptistryA church's swimming pool. Designed by a finance committee
with a concern for cutting costs.
Blind FaithObsolete phrase meaning visually challenged faith.
BurnoutWhen clergy start preaching from the telephone book. The
result of extreme overwork or excessive stress. Hiding the telephone
book is not a sufficient treatment.
CampingA specialized ministry traditionally offered in the
summertime. Often directed at young people. Theologically, it has the
potential to teach valuable lessons about the Israelites' 40 years in
the wilderness. This is usually thwarted by the tendency of churches
to place their camps in swamps, rather than deserts.
Candlelight ServicesA time when otherwise sensible choirs wander
around in darkened churches singing with fire in their hands. Not
surprisingly, this has been known to affect the quality of music.
Canon LawAn ancient arms limitation treaty.
CassockShort for "clergy hassock". more...