Exactly Jokes / Recent Jokes

The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason." A long logical explanation follows. In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her more...

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or more...

When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train? When it's on the train.

If two people write exactly the same program, each should be put into microcode and then they certainly won't be the same.

Two lovers interested in spiritualism and reincarnation vowed that if either died, the
one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after
their dying.
As luck would have it, a few weeks later the young man died in a car wreck. True to
her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.
At a seance, she called out, "John, dear John; this is Martha. Do you hear me, John?"
A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes, Martha, this is John; I can hear you."
Martha tearfully asked, "Oh, John, what's it like where you are?"
"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."
"What do you do all day?"
"Well, Martha, we are up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, then it's nothing but
sex until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then we have sex again until five.
After dinner, more...

Ways To Have Fun in the WorkplacePage yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha."Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Marge.Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people more...