Exactly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked one guy.
"Well, not exactly." The other guy replied, "She's more into the trick
dog
aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly, I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays
dead."

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever. .. well, you know. .. does she. .. well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. "Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" "Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle exp lains to her that "22" was the route number, not the more...

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "Im sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet. The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away."Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees."You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd."Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?""Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."
"I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman said.
The State Police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken," the officer asked.
"Oh, more...

HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Page yourself over the intercom. Don`t disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That`s a good point, Sparky." "No, I`m sorry, but I`m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you`re doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I`ll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven`t lost them as much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the more...