Executive Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man entered the company's Human Resources Department and handed the executive his application. After reviewing the papers the executive noticed that the applicant had been fired from every job he had ever had.
"Young man," the executive said, "I've looked over your work history and it is terrible. You have been fired from every job!" "Yes," replied the applicant.
"There really isn't anything very positive in that," said the executive.
"Well, at least I'm not a quitter!" the young man replied.

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring. The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O. K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere." On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway. On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

Abusing executive privileges, President Bush orders pizza.
"Yeah, you know, bring it to me in one of those boxes with a flag. Like on tv."

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found his boss standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper
In hand. "listen," said the boss, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "certainly,"
Said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "excellent, excellent!"
Said the boss as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "i just need one copy."

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand." Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button." Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

A big-time executive walked into a bar and sat down next to a drunk who was studying something in his hand. The executive leaned closer as the drunk held the object up to the light. "Well, it looks like plastic," the drunk said. Then rolled it around in his fingers and added, "and it feels like rubber." Curious the executive asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk shook his head. "Damned if I know. It looks like plastic and feels like rubber!" The executive said, "Let me take a look." He examined it, rolled it between his fingers and said, "Yeah, you're right. It does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours.
Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:
FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL - $125.