Exercise Jokes / Recent Jokes

For women - Helpful info.
For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends (or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that more...

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down' till the thought goes away.

1 Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot

2 This is just a 15 minute power nap like they faved about in that time management course you sent me to

3 I was working smarter --- not harder

4 Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper

5 Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm

6 This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people

7 I was testing the keybord for droo;-resistance

8 It worked for Reagan, didn't it?

9 Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just wont wear off

10 I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) I learnt at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend

11 This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dremt abuot work

12 I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice more...

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the heck she is.
2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
5. I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
10. I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals. 3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. 4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D. 5. Your children begin to look middle aged. 6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall. 7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. 8. You look forward to a dull evening. 9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today." 10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. 11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't. 14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course. 15. Your back goes out more than you do. 17. Your Pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl. 18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. more...

When the blonde walked into class late the teacher said"why are you late young lady" and the blonde replies" I was being taught a new exercise" the teacher says if that is true then show us the new exercise.So the blonde says"I will need a volunteer" Little jimmy says the teacher come help her with her exercise.Then the blonde bends over and says"what are you waiting for put it in"

A study in Britain shows stressed-out women who work long hours eat more high-fat snacks, exercise less, and smoke more than their male colleagues. The study showed men's reaction to women under such stress was to mercilessly berate them for eating more, not exercising enough and smoking too much.
The report found that poor eating habits were linked to one or more stressful events such as making a presentation, meeting with the boss and in particular, being the subject of a study about stress.
For men, working longer hours has no negative impact on exercise, caffeine intake or smoking, but did increase their state of denial about their receding hairlines, love handles and impotence.