Exercising Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up for it to work.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
And last but not least:
I don't exercise because it more...

A blonde was driving down a deserted street one day, when she saw a brunette in the middle of the road doing jumping jacks. For each one she did, she kept repeating "89,89,89...". The blonde pulled over and asked "What are you doing?", the brunette replied, "Exercising." The blonde asked, "Can I join you?" "Go ahead." she replied. The blonde started to repeat the what the brunette was doing. Suddenly, a big semi started speeding down the road, and was heading their way. The semi was closer and the brunette jumped out of the way. The blonde stayed exercising. The semi hit the and killed the blonde. The brunette started exerercising again and repeated "90,90,90..."

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

A woman told her doctor she was so flat chested men had little interest in her. No one had even asked her for a date and she was getting desperate.
The doctor told her about a series of exercises that would help solve her problem. The only catch was they had to be done for 15 minutes every day without fail. She was to put her hands in her armpits and bend her elbows backwards as far as she could. This would enlarge her pectoral muscles and help solve her problem.
The doctor also said it would be good to exercise at the same time every day and would help maintain a certain rhythm if she repeated this little phrase while exercising, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust."
She opted to exercise at 2 p.m. each day and happened to be waiting for the bus at the designated time. While she was exercising and repeating the exercise phrase, she felt a tap on her shoulder and a man behind her asked if she knew what time it was.
She indicated it was 2:05 p.m. and he more...