Exist Jokes / Recent Jokes

Approval Seeker’s Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least. - Washington writer Rozanne Weissman
The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don’t.
Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Arnold’s Laws of Documentation: (1) If it should exist, it doesn’t. (2) If it does exist, it’s out of date. (3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
Astrology Laws: It’s always the wrong time of the month. - Rozanne Weissman
Avery’s Rule of Three: Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job - it’s the start of a brand new series of three.
Baer’s Quartet: What’s good politics is bad economics; what’s bad politics is good economics; what’s good economics is bad politics; what’s bad economics is good politics. - Eugene Baer (Baer also allows that it can be restated more...

Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist - For Nerds!
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, more...

A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:
The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: "What chair?"

Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. — Arthur C. Clarke

Just because it doesn't exist doesn't mean I can't fall in it!

o The X(mas) Files o Star Wars Holiday Humor o A Star Trek: The Next Generation Night Before Christmas
The X(mas) Files
Mulder: We’re too late. It’s already been here.
Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.
Scully: You really think someone’s been here?
Mulder: Someone or some THING.
Scully: Mulder, over here - it’s fruitcake.
Mulder: Don’t touch it! Those things can be lethal.
Scully: It’s O. K. There’s a note attached: “Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice. ”
Mulder: It’s judging them, Scully. It’s making a list.
Scully: Who? What are you talking about?
Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each more...