Exist Jokes

Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. more...

Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal finally admitted that the country of Israel does exist. He said he's also considering admitting that gravity and the sun also exist.

From his home in Syria he stated that the problem is not that Israel exists but that there is no Palestianian state.

Mr. Meshaal-- look south. See Jordan?

Capitalism can exist in one of two states: Welfare, and Warfare.

The famous genius Jara da Cimrman worked in many branches. One of them was Philosophy.
He created a philosophical system called "Externism". Its roots are in solipsism.
A solipsist says: "The world does not exist. The only real thing is myself. Everything exists only in my mind."
Jara da Cimrman reversed the principle. In his lecture read at the world philosophical congress in Basel, Switherland, he declared: "I do not exist. The only thing that is real is the external world (thence 'externism')."
He was severely criticized by many oponents and one of them (Cimrman's traditional rival) thought he could make everybody laugh at Cimrman by saying: "If Jara Cimrman states that he does not exist, how is it possible that he formed his philosophy?"
Everyone thought that this reasoning cannot be beaten.
But Jara answered in a way that became part of the history of philosophy (so called Basel Reply): "When I do not exist, it more...

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...