Expensive Jokes / Recent Jokes
You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?""Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of more...
You always buy the latest cell phone equipped with WAP, screen savers, etc. although youll use it mainly to send SMSs. You set the ring tone of your cell phone as loud as possible. You spend your weekends at an expensive five star hotel near your house. You have one of those gigantic 5000 watts stereo system even though you cant turn it as loud as you can since you live in a crowded neighborhood. Your Toyota Kijang is packed with bull bar, fog lights, roof rail, car alarm, expensive car audio, gold plated emblems, tail light protector, racing steering wheels, sports muffler, lowered suspension, 17 inch wheels with expensive tires, etc. Yet you find them not gaul enough. You are able to squeeze 15 passengers in your Toyota Kijang. If youre rich, you buy a huge 50. 000 dollars imported SUV and demands it to run minimal 12 kilometers with a liter of gas. You refuse to buy unleaded gas for your imported car even though it costs less than 20 cents a liter. You have your drivers license at more...
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!
Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to more...
A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Thru a bell boy, he found the best in town. When the lady came, he asked: How much is your service? The lady said: $100 for a hand job. What? Why so expensive? the guy asked in amazement. The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him: Do you see that shiny red Porsche down there? That's what I earned by my hand! The guy was convinced and decided to try her service. It was great! So he asked, what else can you do? The lady said: For $200 I'll give you a blowjob.
What? That's way too expensive for a blow job! he replied. The lady brought him to the window again, and said: Do you see the restaurant down there? That's what I've earned with my mouth! So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200. It was unbelievable! So he decided he wanted to try the real thing. So he asked: How much for real intercourse? The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said: Do more...
The clerk showed the guy the store's most expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps,'" said the sales clerk.
"It's $285 per ounce."
"Listen," the guy shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called, "You Can Bet Your Happy ASS You'll Get Some!"
The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume."This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 perounce.""Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't wantsomething called 'Perhaps'; I want something called..."You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"