Experiment Jokes / Recent Jokes
A chemistry teacher was attempting to teach his Grade 9 class a lesson about the evils of liquor. To do so, he produced an experiment involving a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now class, observe very closely," he said, as he put a worm into the water. The worm wiggled about in the water, about as happy as a worm in water could be.
He then placed the second worm in the glass of whiskey. The worm writhed painfully and sank to the bottom of the glass, as dead as a doornail.
"Now, could someone tell me what we can derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Billy, the class clown who sat at the back of the room, raised his hand and responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, I subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:
Exposure:
A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell.
Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons -- avoided this potential source of substance.
Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess."
Radiation
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes -- the
approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 more...
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
First draw your curves, then plot your data.
Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware more...
The difference between theory and experiment:
A guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man-a
theoretical physicist-on his hands and knees under a street light, searching
the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician
replied, "I'm looking for my car keys." Being a helpful sort, the fellow
started searching, too.
After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not" replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here."
Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same laboratory.
One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't. "I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"
One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment.
She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command.
Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty.
Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't.
"I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"