Expired Jokes

John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, will you shut up!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and more...

A man at a bar sees his friend at a table, drinking all by himself. Approaching the friend he says, "You look terrible. What is the problem?" "My mother expired in August," he said, "and left me with $25, 000." that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," his friend continued, "My father expired, leaving me with $90, 000." Two parents gone in two months. You must be really depressed." "Last month my aunt died, and left me with $15, 000." "Three close family members lost in three months? That’s really sad." "Then this month," continued, his friend, "absolutely nothing!"

I was having a bad day. For one thing I hadn't slept well the previous night because of another loud party next door. On top of that, I felt a cold coming on. So I drove to the neighborhood drugstore, and ran in for a couple of minutes, just to get some cough drops. When I came out, there was a cop, writing a ticket for the expired parking meter.
"Give a girl a break, would you?" I asked him. He ignored me and went on writing. I called him a "pencil-necked Nazi." He glared at me and began writing a second ticket for the expired city sticker. I called him a "horse's ass," and he began writing another ticket-for worn tires!!
I didn't care. It wasn't my car, but I'd recognized it as my noisy neighbor's. I take my fun where I can get it.

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and more...

Ah, the things that drop into my mailbox... A fellow who manages one of the Y2K compliance projects at a major US-based multinational corporation reports the following (lightly edited to protect sources):

Apparently [a large food retail chain in Britain] with highly automated regional distribution centers was starting to receive canned goods with expiration dates running past 2000.

So, at the same time as they were receiving shipments of tinned tomatoes with shelf lives until' 05 (which were being shuffled into storage bins by their automated pallet system), their automated' expired goods' system was scanning the new stuff, thinking they had gone bad 92 years ago, pulling them, and putting them on to lorries which then took them to the dump.

[...] after trashing the' expired' tins, the automated system placed an order to the supplier to replace them.

Apparently some guy at the warehouse noticed this but didn't want to say anything more...