Explaining Jokes / Recent Jokes
A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.He says, "A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse."One student stands up and says, "Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit."
The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?"
A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room, when the bride demanded: "Who was that woman?!"
"Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray more...
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair more...
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa"
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for more...
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that
big, red Santa suit!
Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs
that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way more...
This is about a day when Mr. Zail Singh was the President of
the country.
All sardars in the country went to him this day and told him
that people
tease them by making jokes about them that when the clock
stucks 12: 00,
all sardars go mad and act like crazy. They complained that
this is not
true. They also complained that people talk about sardar
having no common
sanse. Therefore, they demanded him to go bring for them
common sense.
Mr. Zail Singh was confused and asked his secretary to give
him some suggestions. The secretary advised him to go to Japan, since quality is guaranteed.
The next day Mr. Zail Singh rushes off to Japan. At the
Osaka Airport he
hires a cab and asks him to take him to a shop where he
can get common sense.
The cab driver was pissed, he told him that there is no shop
in Japan that sells such stuff. Infact every human being has common sense since more...