Eye Jokes / Recent Jokes

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it." This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his PROFILE." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this more...

THE LAST REQUEST OF MRS. SIRIMAVO BANDARANAYAKE:
When I die my body is to be handed over to the medical collage
and the following will have to be done very carefully.
01. MY EYE MUST BE REMOVED AND GIVEN TO MY DAUGHTER (Chandrika) AS ONE OF HERE EYE'S ARE NOT THERE.
02. MY BRAIN MUST BE GIVEN TO MY ONLY SON (Anura) AS HE HAS NO BRAIN.
03. ONE OF MY LEGS MUST BE GIVEN TO THE DEFENSE MINISTER (Anuruddha) AS ONE OF HIS LEGS ARE NOT O. K.
04. AND VERY SPECIALLY MY BACK SIDE (ASS) SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE MEDIA AND TELECOMMUNICATION MINISTER (Mangala) WHERE HE WILL MAKE VERY GOOD USE OF IT.

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only patron in the bar when he walked in. He talks to him for about 5 minutes then moves to the other end of the bar. The bar owner walks up to him and asks if he would like a drink. He orders a beer and says, “Man! That guy down there sure does complain alot. He thinks he’s got it rough, but his life is easy! ” The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, mister! I’ve seen you in here before. You’re in here any day of the week at any time. Just what do you do for a living? ” The guy replies, “I make bets for a living. I’ll show you. I’ll bet you $5 I can bite my right eye! ” The bartender looks at him and says, “OK, you’re on. ” The guy takes his glass eye out and clenches it between his teeth. The bartender says, “I didn’t know you had a glass eye. You win. ” The guy then says, “I’ll let you win your money back. I’ll bet you $5 I can bite my left eye. more...

A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again. Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood. He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."

A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and hewas advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, "All right, let's check you out. You sit down hereon this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and readthat chart on the wall over there." He puts his left hand over his left eye. The doctor says, "No, no, no. Put your right hand over your right eye." This old person puts both hands over both eyes. The doctor is nowgetting upset. The patient continues to screw up, and the doctorreally gets mad and says, "All right, I'll fix you!" He gets a paperbag out of the closet, puts one hole in it, puts it over his head, andsays, "Now, read that chart!" The guy read it perfect! The doctor takes the bag off, and this old person starts cryinglike a baby. The doctor says, "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Well, when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire more...

Two men were out hunting in the woods. One of them was a fanatical huntsman and he went hunting as often as he could. The other was his friend who is a peaceful nature loving fellow, who didn't really want to hurt anything. They had been out in the woods for some time, when they picked up the tracks of a deer. They soon caught up with it, and when they saw it, it was obvious why it had been so easy to catch up to - it had a terrible infection over it's left eye, which it couldn't even see out of. The hunter started to take aim with his shotgun, but his friend begged him to stop. Hey! he said, "Can't you see that's a bad eye deer?"

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Eye Patch Barbie. .. with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!