Face-lift Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. more...

A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 40th birthday. She spends $15, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,' I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'' About 25,' is the reply.'' Nope! I'm exactly 40,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies,' I'd guess about 26.' The woman replies with a big smile,' Nope, I'm 40.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds,' Oh, I'd say 24.' Again she proudly responds,' I'm 40, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies,' Lady, I'm 60 and my eyesight is more...

A
man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday.
He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the
results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand
and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I
hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you
think I am?" "About 35," was the
reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says,
feeling really happy. After that, he goes into
McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same
question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about
29". "I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an
old woman the same question. She replies, "I
am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But
when I was young, there was a sure way of telling
a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and
play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be
able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man more...

A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them,"
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."
She said, "Well, I guess that explains the more...