Fact Jokes / Recent Jokes

Have you heard the one about Mark, George and Bob who became good friends?

They decided to go on a vacation together along with their wives. So they rent a large mobile home and away they went. Unfortunately just as they were getting on the highway a semi-trailer ran right over the top of them, sending them all to Peter at the pearly gates.

Mark stepped forward and introduced himself. Peter said "Well its great to meet you, let me check the Big Book and I'll get right back to you." Peter came back with a frown on his face and said "I'm sorry I won't be able to let you in. All you thought about during your life was money, money, money! In fact you didn't marry until you found a girl named Penny! Next."

So George stepped forward, going through the same process until Peter again came back with a frown on his face. Peter said "I'm sorry I won't be able to let you in. All you thought about during your life was drinking, drinking, more...

RECOUNT DEMANDED BY METS
NEW YORK (AP) -The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series. The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers," said the Mets batting coach. "We were confused by the irregularities of the pitches we received and believe we have been denied our right to hit."
One claim specifically noted that a small percentage of the Mets batters had intended to swing at fast balls, but actually swung at curve balls. It was clear that these batters never intended to swing at curve balls, though a much higher percentage were not confused by the pitches. Reporters at the press conference pointed out that the Mets had extensively reviewed film of the Yankees pitchers prior to the World Series and had more...

RECOUNT DEMANDED BY METSNEW YORK (AP) -The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series. The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers," said the Mets batting coach. "We were confused by the irregularities of the pitches we received and believe we have been denied our right to hit."One claim specifically noted that a small percentage of the Mets batters had intended to swing at fast balls, but actually swung at curve balls. It was clear that these batters never intended to swing at curve balls, though a much higher percentage were not confused by the pitches. Reporters at the press conference pointed out that the Mets had extensively reviewed film of the Yankees pitchers prior to the World Series and had in fact more...

"First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be." -- Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with -- or have at least seen references in the literature to -- the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here. Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope more...

Source unknown.
This bishop invites a young priest over for dinner. During the meal,
the priest can't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper is. Over the course of the evening he starts to wonder if
there's more between the bishop and the housekeeper than meets the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the bishop volunteers, "I know what
you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper comes to the bishop and says,
"Excellency, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been
unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he
took it, do you?"
The bishop says, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to
be sure." So he sits down and writes: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that
you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did
not' more...

Is There a Santa Claus? A Rebuttal...
Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish ''study.''
Flying reindeer: As is widely known due to the excellent historical documentary ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town,'' the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in ''Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' (a no-punches- pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently more...

EAST BERNARD, TX (DWPI) -- Local barber Merton Storch revealed today that he can believe that the margarine spread "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" is not, in fact, butter. "I think it's obvious," said Storch."Butter is a creamy spread, while this crap is more like a space-age polymer." A spokesperson from Lilton Foods, responded by saying, "Well, I know *I* can't believe it's not butter." This is not the first time Storch has made a public food-related statement. In 1994, he held a press conference to announce he thought everything wasn't, in fact, "better with Blue Bonnet on it," and even demonstrated using food items such as ice cream, Jell-O, and what appeared to be a large squid.Reported by Rob Winchell
The Daily Weekly