Fact Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers below...
AL GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.
I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!
I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road.
I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide.
The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way.
Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.
SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings.
They could fly if they wanted to.
Chickens don't more...
An executive with a new young wife and a yen for golf decided about December one year that he couldn't take it any longer. So he said to his wife one evening, "Honey, next Friday we're going to Hilton Head for the weekend. We'll get a condo on the golf course and I'm going to play golf all weekend." "That sounds fine," she purred. And, sure enough, next Saturday morning at 6 a.m., found him on the golf course, all alone. After playing two holes, he noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. The exec. waited, and the other man arrived, saying, "Mind if I play along?" The exec. said, "Fine. Glad to have the company." All went well for a couple of holes, until each approached the sixth green. When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one club. The exec. noticed, however, that it wasn't a club at all. It was a high powered rifle. "Whoa," he said. "That's a high powered rifle!" more...
How to Answer
It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised sporting event. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says,
'DO I LOOK FAT?'
There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted' yes'.
'No' means yes.' Yes' means yes.' I don't know' means yes.' It doesn't matter' means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes.
Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but more...
A female chimpanzee in a Louisiana sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male population has had vascectomies.
Evolutionary scientists marvel at the fact that monkeys have actually proven the virgin-birth theory.
I think Santa Claus is a woman....
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p. m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up more...
(which in our society means over 25)
An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh. A
younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade
in a brothel. An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of
the night to ask you,' What are you thinking?' An older woman doesn't
care what you think. An older woman always carries a purse full of
emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every
time there's a natural disaster. An older woman always carries a
condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might
have one on him. An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman
will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a
cup of a herbal tea. An older woman can wear bright red lipstick
during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a
jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Older women
can more...
It is felt that for maximum enjoyment, you should respond out loud with your answers. You should treat each "yes" that you say as a personal catharsis of what you are doing wrong (or right depending on your opinion of nerdity) and each "no" may then be disputed by your peers. In this way, errors due to lying or personal oversight are avoided and the test also has a therapeutic effect for the closet nerd. As an aside, information gleaned about others should be treated confidentially. Each of us has a dork-side that we don`t want others to know about.
Experiment shows that nerdity CAN be cured! With effort and personal sacrifice... The nerdity quotient is a cross between proclivity toward as well as actual current status in nerddom. Some questions are "have you ever..." while others are "do you now...". The former register the fact that you have a propensity toward nerdity, while the later acknowledge the fact that you are currently more...