Failure Jokes / Recent Jokes

Question:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:
Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The more...

Gender
Radical feminism

Oppressors
White male heterosexuals

Bias
Basing scholarship on reason and evidence

Patriarchal models
Objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U. S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie

Politically aware
Politically far-left

Being divisive
Deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware (see politically aware); synonymous with being hostile

Liberal arts education
Political indoctrination

Guilt
Feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions

Women and men
The forces of good and evil in the dualism of gender (see gender)

Diversity
The gathering together of as large a group as possible of discontents, deviants and social misfits while excluding, suppressing and bashing conservatives, Republicans, evangelicals, adherents of historical religions, serious more...

Julie, the husband of Fredrik, had diarrhoea. So, every now and then, she went to the loo.
But the only thing she'd done is missed the toilet and it all ran across the bathroom floor! She said "
HELP! IT'S ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR!!!"
The only thing that she couldn't see was the whole room. It was dark because there was a power cut!
"
HELP!"
she said, holding one of her bum cheeks,"
There's a floodlight failure! The electric's gone and there's diarrhoea on the floor! I tell you! FLOODLIGHT FAILUUUURE!!!"

The following began life as a Top Ten list of "Mistakes Made by Adolf Hitler."
it was passed around during a lecture in a political science class of mine and
soon grew to over 100 entries. I have culled out the stupid and/or truly
offensive ones, as well as any that said nasty things about any particular
nationality (read, the French.) You'll have to excuse the fact that some
of them are rather obscure, but that's what happens when you get a bunch of
political scientists in the same room. Without further ado, I give you...
Top 59 Mistakes Made by Adolf Hitler
Land War in Asia
Changed name from highly catchy "Schickelgruber" to boring "Hitler"
Leaving his little mustache: not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln
beard to instill trust among subjects
Not buying lifts for his shoes
Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
Failure to exploit Eva Braun
Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the more...