Fairly Jokes

The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother? "

A farmer had a fairly large herd of cows and three bulls. Each bull keeps a strict eye on his portion of the cows. A rumor comes around that the farmer is going to get another bull and the three bulls are standing in the field discussing this.

The first bull says, "Well, there`s no way he`s going to get any of my cows." The second bull agrees, "Yeah, I`m not giving up any. He can wait till next year and get some of the new ones." The third bull who was a bit smaller says, "I don`t have as many as you guys so I`m not giving any up."

Finally, the new bull arrives. To the consternation of the other three he is the biggest, meanest Aberdeen Angus bull they have ever seen, with hooves like flint anvils. He comes strolling down the ramp and glares at them. He`s at least three times bigger than any of them.

The first bull looks around nervously and says, "Well now, I suppose it would be a neighbourly thing to give this guy more...

A fairly typical, great looking, athletic, macho young man, married a fairly typical great-looking young lady.

Asserting his manly dominance, right after the honeymoon, the groom laid down the following rules:' I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you.

'I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise.

'I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want, with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.

'Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:' No, that's fine with me.

'Just understand: there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.'

Scientists Discover Previously Unknown Holidays
by S.J.Zeve at Hacker Times December 16, 1985
Researchers at the Hacker Institute have discovered a previously unknown pair of holidays similar in nature to All Saints Day and Halloween. Researchers claim that these holidays have been missed in the past due to their rather specialized natures and a non-religious orientation.
Adding to the confusion is the fact that the holidays seem, in many respects, to be fairly young in age and so not quite settled properly into calendar slots as are such older and more staid holidays as Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Purim, Hannukah, and so forth. Indeed these two new holidays not only float around within the calendar from year to year on every currently known calendar system, but they are even known to shift position depending on where in the world you are celebrating them. For example, in the USA they might be celebrated in June while in Argentina they get celebrated in more...