Faith Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I too brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he too comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the Lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?" pressed the Lawyer.
"God said, 'Funny you should come to me...'"
A priest, Baptist minister & a rabbi were having lunch when the priest & minister started talking about fishing. "you know, said the rabbi, I should take up fishing. Well, said the priest, come with us. We're going this afternoon." They're out in the boat fishing when suddenly the priest steps out of the boat & walks a few yards away & begins fishing. The rabbi is dumbfounded seeing the priest walk on water. A while later the minister joins the priest.The rabbi is shocked. Finally he thinks, "my faith is as strong as theirs. If they can walk on water so can I. He steps out of the boat & almost drowns. He struggles back in the boat. Soon, he tries again with the same result. The priest looks over at the minister & says, " ya think we should tell that stupid son of a bitch where the rocks are'?
It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save more...
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a more...
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi... where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
"What did you do?" asked the lawyer. "I turned to God for the answer," replied the rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
As Christians, we often have our faith tested by nonbelievers claiming that the Bible contradicts itself. They may then show us scriptures where the Bible is clearly and obviously contradicting itself in order to lead us away from our faith and possibly even into homosexuality!
How do we, as Christians, reconcile these apparent contradictions? Very simply, we must always keep in mind that though the Bible is indeed the inspired word of God, it is written by Jews. I think anyone who's ever dealt with a banker or lawyer knows what a tricky lot they can be! I think it should serve to strengthen our faith that we have God's word at all, considering just how many Jews were involved!
Pray with me now.
Oh Lord God, the Alpha and Omega,
Thank you for your inspired word,
In your infinite wisdom, you knew that
In order to draft your perfect laws and commandments,
You would need to consult with the wily Jew. Amen.