Faith Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following are actual signs found on church property.
"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!"
A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the more...
While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family's faith to class.
At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.
The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."
The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of David."
The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."
The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish."
There once was a man who had a superstitious faith in geomantic omens. He consulted the geomancer beforehand concerning all signs beneficial. or unfortunate. One day, while he was sitting at the foot of a wall, the wall collapsed on top of him. He cried, "Help!" His servants came over to have a look and said, "Be patient, Master. Let's ask the geomancer if it is a good omen to break the ground today."
...Meyer Levy, a former Rabbi who renounced his faith in the 1980's, has been re-doctrinated back into the Hebrew faith. When asked how it felt to enter a synogogue after all this time, Meyer replied, "Rejewvenated."
"Honor"
Two Japanese businessmen were talking during their dip in the hot baths
at the geisha house.
"Hirokosan, I have unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you."
Upset, Hirokosan asked for more information.
"More, she is dishonoring you with a foreigner who is of the Jewish faith."
Shocked, Hirokosan went home to confront his wife. "I am told you are
dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith."
"That is a lie!" she replied, outraged. "Where did you hear such mishegass?"
One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, “What have we here? ” Those prints are large and round and neat, “But Lord, they are too big for feet. ” “My child, ” He said in somber tones, “For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait. ” “You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith, you would not know, So I got tired, I got fed up, And there I dropped you on your butt. ” “Because in life, there comes a time, When one must fight, and one must climb, When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave their butt prints in the sand. ”
1. Binglish (for Bombay_English).
2. Bhindi (for Bombay_Hindi)
3. This list is perpetually incomplete since the evolution of this language can never possibly cease.
4. Bhindi/Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets following the words.
5. Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth.
6. Keeda - An absolute pest.
7. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.
8. Haila! - This originated from "Hai Allah! " but I don't think 99% of the users know about this. Haila would translate to "Oh God!"
9. ChappanTikkli/Punter/Tapori/Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.
10. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker - A Drunk.
11. Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.
12. Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid all would have to be more...