Famous Jokes / Recent Jokes

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced."Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

A famous mathematician was to give a keynote speech at a conference. Asked for an advance summary, he said he would present a proof of Fermat`s Last Theorem -- but they should keep it under their hats. When he arrived, though, he spoke on a much more prosaic topic. Afterwards the conference organizers asked why he said he`d talk about the theorem and then didn`t. He replied this was his standard practice, just in case he was killed on the way to the conference.

The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called pre-Madonna.It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now play themselves.All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.Probably the most marvellous fugue was the one between the more...

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students onenight. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speakersystem. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the soundof my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Prettysoon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, eachone hanging on his every word.Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stagefor a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And thenhe repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." Ashe turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students onenight. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speakersystem. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the soundof my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Prettysoon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, eachone hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stagefor a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And thenhe repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." Ashe turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"

A teacher asked, "What did Paul Revere say at the end of his famous ride?"
A student said, "Whoa!!!"

This happened way back in 1950's. It's the first day our famous U-Ravana took his family
to Colombo to see the tallest building in Ceylon - the famous Ceylinco House.
They were amazed by everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the
lobby. The son of U-ravana, then a little boy of 10 years, asked, "What's this, Appachchi?"
to which Mr. U-Ravana responded, "Putha, I have never seen anything like this in my life,
I don't know what it is!"
While the son and the father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a
wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the
lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the son and father
watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the
circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous
24-year-old woman stepped more...