Famous Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a famous jockey that never lost a race. When asked how he achieved this, he replied, I whisper in the horse's ear: Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose are made into glue.

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced.

"Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced."Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."

Jay Lenno on the Impact of Kenneth Starr's Report. 9/11/98

As a direct result of the release of Judge Kenneth Starr's Report to the congress on the internet:

Meet The Press will not be hosted by Tim Russert this week. The new host: Dr. Ruth.

The Big Story: George Burns no longer can claim the world's most famous cigar.

According to Monica, Bill took phone calls while she was giving him Oral Sex. Wouldn't it be too perfect if one of those calls was from AT&T asking if he was satisfied with the service he was getting?

The President's Lawyer went on TV and said' this is just an accusation, not proof.' Hey Lumpy! 36 boxes of evidence will stack up to substantially taller than you, your boss and your secretaries standing on each others shoulders! With that mountain of evidence against you: IT'S OVER!!!!!.

Even OJ was heard to say:' Give It Up!!!'

Clinton wasn't going to apologize to his cabinet until Janet Reno more...

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year- olds,
"I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most
famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.
Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right
either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus
Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but
business is business..."

What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer? They Fry Who Cam in from the Cold!

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...