Fan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actress: have you ever seen me on t. v.? Fan: on and off. Actress: how did you like me? Fan: off.

Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are?

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."

Fan: Ive always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN
By a Weary Father

- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

- A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

- When more...

Youre a big Internet fan arent you? Yes - its becoming a habit!

There was a man that really had to take a shit, so he
went into a nearby bar and asked the bartender where
the bathrooms were. The bartender said, "Go upstairs
and it is the 2nd door on the right." So the man went
upstairs and couldn't find the bathrooms anywhere. He
looked in every door there was. He really really had
to take a shit by that time, so he saw a hole in the
floor and he decided to take a crap in it. So he went
ahead and did his business. After he had relieved
himself, he went back downstairs and noticed there was
nobody in the bar. He asked the bartender, "Where did
everybody go?" The bartender replied, "Where were you
when the shit hit the fan?"