Farmer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door.Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case.Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"

Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property.
"Retrieving this pigeon that I just shot", he replied.
"That pigeon is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer. Santa asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to.
"No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care."
"I am Santa, a famous lawyer from Ludhiana", came the reply. And if you don't let me get that pigeon, I can sue you for your farm, your tractor, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."
"Well," said the farmer, "In Bhatinda the only law we go by is the kicks law."
"Never heard of it," said Santa.
The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back more...

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.
Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book, Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese more...

Farmer and his young bride lived out in the country and the preacher would stop by and of course they would invite him in for chicken dinner.

As this went on and the preacher became so regular he was there practically everyday.

The farmer had to go out in the fields to work, and the preacher would stay with the young bride. Each time he came over the young wife would have the farmer kill a chicken for dinner.

Finally, after a hard day's work the farmer was driving the tractor into the barn when the young bride stepped out onto the porch and hollered at him to get her a chicken so she could cook for the preacher.

The farmer hollered back, "Screw the preacher!"

To which the young bride replied "I already did, but I still need the chicken."

One day there were three men walking down the street. One was black, one was French, and one was Polish.
As they walked by a farm, a farmer stopped them and asked if they'd like to take a test to win his daughter's hand. Being game, they all said, "Why the hell not?"
"Good," the farmer said. He then explained to them that they would have to jump over a fence (electric), get through some mud (quick-sand), and fuck his cow.
The black man went first. He only got as far as the fence, but he got a permanent set of Dred-Locks!
Next, the French man went. He just barely jumped the fence when he sloshed right into the quicksand. He screamed, "Help! Help, mes amis!" The farmer quickly stuck his foot on the poor Frog's head.
Finally it was the Polack's turn. He jumped the fence with ease, got through the quicksand with the help of the Frog's slightly liquified head, and then proceeded to screw the cow.
The farmer, being amazed at all this, more...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer.

"Joe. Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details." the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply more...

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Billy Bob, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Billy Bob answered, "but I don't think my Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but my Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Billy Bob thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my Pa is going to be real mad." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?" "Under the wagon."