Farmhouse Jokes

A police chief, a fire chief, and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, more...

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate. "What happened?!" asked Bill. "I ran over a pig," replied his driver. Bill Clinton looked horrified. "Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their's." So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours. Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he more...

Paul Revere's horse galloped down the country road. The life of the colonies depended on his warning the people that the British were coming. He approached a farmhouse.
"Is your husband at home?" he called to the woman feeding chickens in the yard.
"He's back in the barn, Paul," she answered.
"Tell him to get his musket and go to the village square. The Redcoats are coining!"
The exchange of words had taken but an instant; Revere's horse had not broken its stride. The famous patriot thundered off towards the next farm.
"Is your husband at home?" Revere called to the woman in the doorway of the next farmhouse he approached.
"He's asleep in his room, Paul," she said.
"Tell him to get on his clothes," Revere cried.' The Minute Men are meeting at the village square. The British are coming!"
Horse and rider galloped on to still another home.
"Is your husband at home?" he more...

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,' OK, old fart, time to retire.'

The old rooster replies,' come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,' Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over.' The old rooster says' I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs,' You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start.' The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is more...