Favorite Jokes / Recent Jokes

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1.The whole thing at once
2.One bite at a time
3.Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards
4.In little feverous nibbles
5.Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...)
6.Twisted apart, the creme inside, then the cookie
7.Twisted apart, the creme inside, and toss the cookie
8.Just the cookie, not the creme inside
9.I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
***

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining. The list of ingredients is as follows: 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire. 6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight. 8 lbs. celery, finely chopped. 8 lbs. onions, finely chopped. 8 lbs. carrots, finely diced. 1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them. 32 lbs. dry bread crumbs. 3 gallons chicken stock. salt, pepper, to taste. Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire. 3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer. Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery ina large pan, using some olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly browned. Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, and the chicken stock, season to taste with more...

>> > > When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady
>> > > about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near
>> > > J. C. Penney and she was sobbing her eyes out.
>> > > I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
>> > > She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
>> > > He makes love to me every morning and then gets up
>> > > and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and>> > > freshly
>> > > ground, brewed>> > > coffee."
>> > > I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
>> > > She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and
>> > > my favorite brownies>> > > and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
>> > > I said: "Well so why are you crying?"
>> > > She said: "For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal
>> > > with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes>> > > love
>> > > to me until 2: 00am.">> > > I said: "Well, why in the world would you more...

You know you drink too much coffee if...
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this more...

What is a ducks favorite TV show? The feather forecast!

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"

Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.