Fear Jokes / Recent Jokes

When operating a firearm, safety is paramount. Here are some tips to reduce the risk of mishaps:
Instill in your children a healthy fear of guns by drunkenly waving one in their faces whenever you've had a few too many.
If you shoot yourself in the foot, immediately contact a therapist to help you confront your fear of success.
Dismantle your gun and melt it into a plowshare.
Have spouse and children wear blaze orange and shout, "Family coming through!" when moving from room to room in your home.
Unload gun each night by firing into ceiling, counting each bullet in screamed German.
Store your gun at least four feet from your liquor cabinet.
Never let your child play with a gun that is loaded.
Stress to your children that guns are only for shooting bad people. Make sure they know the difference between good and bad people by having them name examples of each from their daily lives.
Boil your bullets to prevent transmitting germs to people more...

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it.

Banta was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall.
In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.
Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death.
Full of fear, Banta cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer.
Again and again he cried out but to no avail.
Finally Banta yelled, "Is anybody up there? "
A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who said that?"
"It's the God."
"Can you help me?"
"Yes, I can help. Have faith in me."
"Help me!"
"Just let go."
Looking around, Banta became full of panic. "What?!?!"
"Have faith in me. Let go. I will catch more...

1 When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
2 Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
3 Never trade luck for skill.
4 The three most common expressions (or, famous last words) in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?"; "Where are we?" and "Ooh Shit!"
5 Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
6 Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
7 Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
8 A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
9 I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
10 Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
11 If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, more...

Newton' s Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion.
Rajnikanth Method:
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping!
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark more...