Fear Jokes / Recent Jokes
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.
Nixon:Watergate
Clinton:Waterbed
Nixon:His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton:His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon:Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton:Worried about carpet burns
Nixon:His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton:His Vice President is a geek
Nixon:Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton:Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon:Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton:Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon:His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton:same
Nixon:Ex-President
Clinton:Sex-President
Nixon:Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton:Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"
Nixon:Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton:Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon:Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton:Well acquainted with the G Spot
Nixon:Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton:Took on Ho
Nixon:Talked about achieving more...
(Our pastor told us this one. I don't know where it came from.)
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with
anyone, not even each other.
The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for
advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of
my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes,
very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm
afraid that my fiancee will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad,
"all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always
wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up
with her mom. "Mom," she said, "when I wake up in the morning more...
My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality....
There once was a flight heading from London to New York. Halfway during the flight, the captain suddenly comes over the intercom system...
"This is Captain Jean-Pierre Lalonde speaking. I have a bit of bad news for you. We have lost our first left engine, but never fear, we can still make it using only three engines. But because of the loss of power, we will be two hours late."
Time goes on, and once again the PA system crackles to life...
"This is again your Captain. We have lost an engine on our starboard wing. But rest assured that our plane can fly using only two engines. Due to the reduced power, we will now be four hours late."
The flight goes on, when the passengers hear the now familiar sound of the address system...
"Guess what, folks! We lost another engine, but nothing to fear. We can still make it using only one engine. But now we will be six hours late."
On hearing this, an elderly lady turned to the person sitting more...
When asked to comment on the paparazzi's stalking of his daughter, Lionel Ritchie said, "I live with the constant fear that Nicole is going to become the next Princess Diana."
One man's constant fear is everyone else's perennial hope.
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake, "John 4:18"
"For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."