Fear Jokes / Recent Jokes
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister... "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked."Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger."Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger.So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...
We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.
"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."? Al Gore
"Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches." -Steve Ballmer, CEO, Microsoft
? I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.? -Isaac Asimov
"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked." -Jeff Pesis
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -Jeremy S. Anderson
This is a homework assignment I received from my English teacher, I just finished it what do you think?
Response should be at least one page double-spaced. Respond thoughtfully.
1. Recall a situation in which you felt controlled by fear. Explain.
From what I remember, I have never really been controlled by fear, I am fearless, real men are not controlled by anyone, or anything but I could have been afraid as a child I do not remember, and to be honest, if I was controlled by fear, I would not admit it to you, ManRib.
Actually here’s a fear, I fear you without clothes, I fear seeing your fat ass camel toe naked, I’m hiding under my pillow just thinking about it.
2. Why do/did you have this fear? What created it? (Speculate if you aren’t sure.)
Why do I have this fear, hmm well every time I see a fat chick where tight jeans, the way you do, I just get this fear, of what if I have to see them naked? Its quite disturbing in my mind, I guess you can blame more...
Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a violin case? They think he's carrying a machine gun and might be about to use it. Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a viola case? They think he's carrying a viola and might be about to use it.
AFROPHOBIA
Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles (or the Jackson Five).
PSEUDONYMHOMANIA
Compulsive desire to have a lot of sex under an assumed name.
DEJA FLU
The feeling that one has had this cold before.
HYPOCOINDRIA
Fear of not having correct change.
HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX
Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool.
HERPES CINEPLEX
Rash caused by movie tickets priced at $9. 50.
CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER
Herbal-tea addiction.
VISACARDITIS
The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your
credit limit.
ALPOPLEXY
Canine feeding disorder.
STREISAND-BROLIN SYNDROME
Excessive displays of affection.
SONSTROKE
An attack during the reading of a will
ROSWELL-BABY SYNDROME
Irrational fear that one's infant might be an alien.
POST-DRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER
Formerly David Caruso/Shelley Long Syndrome.
RUMBATOID ARTHRITIS
Joint more...