Fear Jokes / Recent Jokes
Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton:Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water BedNixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold SoreNixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burnsNixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geekNixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing herNixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcaseNixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No differenceNixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-PresidentNixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say "He's the one"Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peakNixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G SpotNixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her
Whats the difference between fear and panic?
Fear: That someone might come along and stick an Umbrella up your ass...
Panic: That they decide to open it up while its still in there....
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog and it has eliminated all our visibility."
The passengers were numb with fear, except for one - a retired minister. "Now, now, keep calm," he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."
Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray, except one man. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.
"I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.
"Well, just do something religious!" instructed the minister.
The man got up and passed his hat down the aisle, taking an offering.
I live with fear every day. But sometimes she lets me go hunting.
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility." The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister... "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray." Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back. "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked." Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger." Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger. So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...
The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.
It seems that in England, they had a men`s club, Bachelors` Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.
The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack
A woman in her 40s got married but was a bit nervous about her honeymoon.The people in the church wanted to encourage her by sending a telegram with a verse of Scripture: 1 John 4:18 ("There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear")But someone omitted, by mistake, the 1 before John and the telegram just read: John 4:18. ("The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.)"