Fee Jokes

A dentist’s patient was grumbling about the fee. “Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!, ” she exclaimed. “And it’s only a minute’s work. ”
“Well, if you wish, ” the dentist said, “I’ll it out slowly. ”

When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'

A number more...

The zoo-keeper traversed the country looking for a suitable mate for his gorilla but couldn't find one. He hit upon a novel idea and went to his local pub and inquired from the landlord if he knew of a big man who would serviced a gorilla for a fee.
The landlord of the pub pointed out Murphy, the hefty Irish navvy, who would do anything for a fee.
The zoo-keeper and Murphy agreed to do the job if three conditions are adhered to:-
1) There will be no abortions
2) She will not hug him
3) All the siblings are brought up as Catholics

Joe goes to consult a world famous specialist about his medical problem. After the visit Joe asks, "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician. "Five hundred dollars? That`s impossible. No one charges that much!" "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred." "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?" "Who has that kind of money? Do you think I`m Bill Gates? " "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out." "I can give you twenty," says Joe. "Take it or leave it." "I don`t understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?" "Listen, Doctor", says Joe, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too more...