Festival Jokes

15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 more...

15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars. 8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year. 5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the more...

1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed! 2. Be thankful your computer isn't down! 3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down! 4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus! 5. Be thankful your server isn't down! 6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse! 7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are! 8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn't gain a pound! 9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn't 72! 10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection! 11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!

Our local Eden Corn Festival is this weekend. My favorite part is the crowning of the Corn Queen, otherwise know as Queened Corn. All the girls are absolutely beautiful - not a hominy one in the bunch. The winner is usually a fairly husky girl - the thin as a stalk types don't seem to win. And it helps to wear really flashy earrings. They present her with a lovely peach cobbler for a prize. One year some folks thought the contest was fixed, but they couldn't come up with a kernal of evidence!

5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in? and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad. 3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I? m in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is... 1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.