Fifty Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and ask his wife .
Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.
"Yes", she said, "I remember it well."
"Ok", he says "How about taking a stroll around there again and do it for old time sake ."
"Ooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea", she answers.
There was a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. he thinks,"I've got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence, I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. He follows them...
They walked haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks, Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make thier way to the fence. The old lady more...

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we made love together over fifty years a go? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake."
"Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers make love against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the more...

A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo
for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was more...

My penis contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old
gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married
for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked
as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal!!!"

Rapper Fifty Cent was arrested for driving dangerously.

Bail was set at his name times one thousand.






PS If he was carrying a gun, would it be called a Fifty Cent piece?

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises.' 'I'm afraid not, sir,'' the clerk told him,' 'but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.''

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read,' 'Manicures - 25 cents.''' 'Why not?'' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign that read,' 'This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away more...