Fifty Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, this woman went to a bait shop to get her husband a fishing reel for his birthday. After selecting one, she inquired as to its cost.

The owner replied, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm blind and cannot see what reel you have. If you drop it on the floor, I'll recognize it and be of more help." So she did just that.

After hearing it hit the floor, the owner said, "That's the Johnson Model
9400. It'll be $40. 00."

The woman decided to take it so she went to pick it up off the floor. Upon bending over, she let rip a stinky, sqeaky fart. The owner rang up the sale and said, "That'll be fifty dollars."

Fifty dollars?!?!" the woman exclaimed. "You just told me that is was forty dollars a moment ago!"

"Yes, I did", said the owner, "But that was for the reel. The duck call is another $7. 50 and the stink bait is $2. 50."

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"

Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady replied breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

A man and his wife were at the breakfast table when he suddenly remembered that it was their 50th Anniversary.
"Guess what, darling," he said, "Fifty years ago today you and I were wed."
"And we ate our first honeymoon breakfast at this very table," she said.
"We were naked as jaybirds, remember?" he blushed. "Oh yes," she giggled, 'Why don't we take off our clothes right now?" "All right."
They stripped to the buff and stared at one another across the table.
"Oooh, darling," she said, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"No wonder," he said, "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

A man and his wife were at the breakfast table when he suddenly remembered that it was their 50th Anniversary."Guess what, darling," he said, "Fifty years ago today you and I were wed.""And we ate our first honeymoon breakfast at this very table," she said."We were naked as jaybirds, remember?" he blushed. "Oh yes," she giggled, 'Why don't we take off our clothes right now?" "All right."They stripped to the buff and stared at one another across the table."Oooh, darling," she said, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago.""No wonder," he said, "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

Desperate to earn some money, a blonde started to canvass a wealthy neighborhood hoping to find a handy-man type job. She asked the man at the first house whether he had any jobs for her to do.
"I would like my porch painted," he said. "How much would you charge?"
"Fifty dollars," she answered.
The man agreed to the amount and told her the paint, ladders, and anything else she might need, were in the garage.
He went back into the house and his wife, who had heard the conversation, asked, "Fifty bucks? Does she realize the porch goes all the way around the house?"
"She should. She was standing right on it!" he replied.
An hour later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" asked the man.
"Yes, sir," she said. "I even had some paint left over, so I put on two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his wallet for the money to pay more...

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

Q: How many American footballers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.

Q: How many people at an American football match does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to tip the entire contents of the ice bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a successful bulb screwing.

Q: How many University of Washington Husky football fans (or any over-the-top sports fans who pay way way too much attention to minutia surrounding "their" team) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A million and one. One to hold the old bulb, and the rest to all try and make the world revolve around it.

Q: How many striking baseball players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. All those replacement bulbs are scabs!

Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty one - one to screw in the bulb, and fifty more...