File Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long and Phosphor
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you more...

BARRA Babus fancy their command over English; Chhota Babus are perplexed and often misunderstand questions put to them. An IG of Police made a noting on a file put up to him stating, "The sub-inspector should not have pulled the chestnuts out of the fire.' In due course the file percolated down to the hapless sub-inspector who did not know what the expression meant. So he consulted his colleagues who were no better informed than the was. After joint deliberation, the sub-inspector penned his reply which ran as follows:

'I have gone through very carefully and with due respect the worthy comments of the honourable Inspector General of Police. I have checked all the registers in the station. I have also made thorough local enquiries. There was no fire anywhere within the jurisdiction of this police station on the 20th of May, 1962. As there was no fire, it is humbly submitted that there can be no question of pulling any chestnuts out of the fire.'

Q. What is the difference between an abstract class and interface?
A. Terms are different. .. Nothing more.

Q. What is jfc?
A. Jilebi, fanta & coffee.

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier architecture?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodoly will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can i modify an object in corba?
A. As you wish, i do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain rmi architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of servlets?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between process and more...

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.
After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.
The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.
The clerk replies,' Boss when I went to the lift it said' during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying is unable to get it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the bird to the vet. The vet tells him that the parrot has too long a beak and that is stopping him from talking.

"I just need to file it down a bit and he should be alright," he says. The man says that is okay and the vet replies, "It will cost a hundred dollars."

"A hundred bucks!" says the owner. The vet tells him that it is a very delicate procedure. If he does not file it enough, the bird still will not be able to talk but if he files too much, the bird will drown while drinking his water. The man decides to think it over and leaves with his parrot.

The next day he comes back into the vet's shop, looking both sad and puzzled.

"What happened?" said the vet.

"Well, I just couldn't afford the hundred dollars, so I took him into my toolshed and did the filing more...

Economic computer virusesINTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3. 5 percent margin of POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened. MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense." CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. MULTINATIONAL more...

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Other features:
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes D shore
no = naaaaa
find = more...