Fill Jokes / Recent Jokes
If I want your opinion, I`ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
A middle aged woman and her husband visit a disco, just to remember what
it used to be like. After a few dances they sit down at the side to
recuperate. After a few minutes, a man comes over and asks the woman to
dance. She is rather flattered and with an approving glance from her husband,
accepts the invitation.
Well, after a few minutes bopping, the man leans over to her and says,
"You know, I think you're really good looking, could I kiss you, please?"
The woman is rather taken aback and replies, "Certainly not - I'm a married
woman and that's my husband over there."
The music continues, and after another few minutes the man leans over
again and says, "I really do think that you're the most attractive woman
I've seen for ages, could I feel your tits, please?"
By now the woman is getting angry, and replies,
"Of course not, what sort of person do you think I am?"
They continue dancing, and more...
It's 5 in the morning. The marine recruits are lined up outside their barracks. Nude. It's mid-January. In Alaska. The sergeant walks up to the first marine and whacks him across the... [fill in the blank].
The sergeant barks: "Did you feel that, soldier?"
The recruit responds: "No, sir!"
The sergeant: "Why not, soldier?"
The recruit: "Because I'm a rough tough marine, sir!"
The sergeant goes to the next marine and whacks him across his... [fill in the blank]. The sergeant bellows: "Did you feel that, soldier?"
The recruit screams: "No, sir!"
"Why not, soldier?" "Because I'm a rough tough marine. Sir!"
The sergeant goes to the third marine and etc. etc. "Did you feel that?"
"No, sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me!"
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds children.
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Fill what is empty; empty what is full; scratch where it itches.
For every “10? there are 10 “1’s”.
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Laws of Household Physics
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot more...
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
A man entered a restaurant and noticed a sign which read: "$500 if we don't fill your order."
He ordered a monkey tail sandwich on rye bread. The waitress jotted it down and went to the kitchen to place the order.
Shortly afterwards there was a big commotion and the manager of the restaurant went to the man with five $100 bills.
As the manager laid the bills out on the table, he said, "Sir, I'm terribly sorry we are unable to fill your order. I want you to know this is the first time in fifteen years that we've run out of rye bread."