Fine Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer into almost every home in America. Yet, you also created that GHASTLY Windows' 95. In your case, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to spend eternity, which will it be Heaven or Hell?"
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, But where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful clean, sandy beach with clear, cool water and lots of bikini-clad women running more...

After Finishing Mbbs, Dr. Munna Starts His Practice. He Checked 1st Patient Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finally Said Seems
Like Ur Torch Is Fine.

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they'd like to try it out. He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father.
Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful (and very fair) idea, and decided to give it a try.
The doctor set the knob on the machine to ten percent for starters, explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he felt and asked the doctor to go ahead and turn it up a notch. The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent and checked the husband's blood pressure, which was fine.
Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain threshold to fifty percent. Still feeling nothing, the husband encouraged the doctor to give him ALL the pain. Again, dumbfounded, more...

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question.""Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue more...

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to more...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God....
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
"Well, what's the difference between the two?" Bill asks.
God says, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay, then," says Bill. "Let me try Hell first."
So Bill goes to Hell. It's a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the
water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the more...