Fine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying more...

A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a check-up. The doctor finishes the check-up says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any problems?""Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded. "My sex drive is too high and I need it lowered."This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84 years old, and you're in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who would kill for a problem like that. So, why are you complaining?"Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and when I go for a walk, I see all these cute honeys all around, so that's why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered."Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you wouldn't complain about a high sex drive.""Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered from here," pointing to his head, "to here," pointing to between his more...

Bill Gates died and went to Heaven.Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and quiet life in heaven.One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit."That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?""Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake. I have a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, tennis courts and three Rolls Royces.""Were you the Pope, or a doctor who healed the sick?" asked Gates."No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off more...

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to
the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much
in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for
starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the
father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the
doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then
adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still
feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was
amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously
helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor
to more...

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly,
"Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this "yellow" construction paper?"

One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate. Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads. Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans. Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide. State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post. Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17. It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Drinks on the house are illegal. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b) Smoking in the state more...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?". Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to more...