Fisherman Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden, wide-eyed and intrigued, says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

I heard this many years ago in the Broadway show "Suger Babies."
Joe, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen
some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On
his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that
another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another.
He had to know The Secret.
"Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you
are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon,
and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
Joe thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next
time, and left.
The next day, Joe returned to the lake, tried a different bait and
still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a
different man realing in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked Joe, "but could you suggest a bait that I more...

Russian and American submarines
German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him. The captain asked the fisherman: "Have You seen any Russian submarines lately?"
"Yes, I have, they went to north-east", the fisherman replied.
"Thanks very much", and off they went, to north-east... After some time, Russian submarine surfaced, and their commander asked the same fisherman, "Have You seen any American submarines lately?"
Fishermans answer was the same: "Yes, and they went to north-east."
"What?", asked russian submarines commander.
"I said, they went to north-east!"
"What a hell means north-east, You'd better show us the direction with your hand, if You don't want us to sink you!"

German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him. The captain asked the fisherman: "Have You seen any Russian submarines lately?"
"Yes, I have, they went to north-east", the fisherman replied.
"Thanks very much", and off they went, to north-east... After some time, Russian submarine surfaced, and their commander asked the same fisherman, "Have You seen any American submarines lately?"
Fishermans answer was the same: "Yes, and they went to north-east."
"What?", asked Russian submarines commander.
"I said, they went to north-east!"
"What a hell means north-east, You'd better show us the direction with your hand, if You don't want us to sink you!"

There once was an explorer in a distant land who was granted an audience with the ruler of the kingdom. After being taken through a large, ornate castle, he was introduced to the king. The king was an impressive figure except for one unusual feature, his head was quite small, about the size of a small grapefruit. After talking with the king for some time, the explorer could not contain his curiosity any longer, and asked the king about the size of his head.
After a pause, the king explained that he had not always been a king, and had in fact, been a fisherman when much younger. One day, while out fishing, he had pulled in his net, and found a mermaid in the net.
From the waist up, the mermaid was a very beautiful woman, from the waist down, a fish. The fisherman was preparing to take the mermaid to market to sell as a curiosity, when the mermaid spoke, and told him that she was a magic mermaid.
The mermaid told the fisherman that if he would let her go, she would grant him more...

An investment banker was on the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. His boat was full of beautiful yellow tuna. The banker complimented the fisherman on his catch, asking how long it took to catch. The fisherman replied "only a short time." The banker asked why not stay out and catch more. The fisherman replied, "I've enough fish to feed my family."

The banker then asked what did the fisherman do with the rest of his time, he replied, "I will sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening, sip wine with my friends, play my guitar, I have a full and busy life."

The banker was not impressed. "I have a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat and from those increased proceeds you could buy several boats and soon have a fleet. Instead of selling your fish more...

Did you hear about the pretty mermaid and the fisherman? They met online