Flash Jokes / Recent Jokes
News Flash: Microsoft acquires Electrolux, makes extensive design
revisions. Finally releases a product that doesn't suck.
News Flash:
Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna
crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central poland.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 873 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go." Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?" Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell f irst." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill more...
NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH... U. P... A. P... BBC... NBC... ETC...
About twelve midnight local time an old man in a red suit and a long white beard was arrested while trying to gain entrance into the white house. Due to all the recent incidents at the white house, security has been extra tight and despite the old mans protest that he was just trying to deliver some gifts, the secret service had him locked up by twelve ten pm.
When the president was contacted his only comment was it must have been Rush Limbaugh, since he knew everyone else in the country loved him.
The old mans transportation (a sleigh and eight animals) was taken to the FBI lab for a complete search.
When the whole incident was over, the president gave a sigh or relief and said MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL "is that okay Hill???" Oh well a weak attempt at humor on a full stomach. Eat too much venison for Christmas Dinner. Hope you all have a real nice Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I`m really confused on this one. It`s a tough decision; I`m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows `95 among other indiscretions. I believe I`ll do something I`ve never done before; I`ll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don`t I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I`ll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of more...
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. Prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hits the water and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swims away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them, Justin hardly realizing that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
During the next tropical storm, Justin figures that the same lightening force more...
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: Each for not wearing a seat belt!